two years

Two years ago my husband asked me to marry him. Almost exactly two years before that day, I woke up in the middle of the night unable to get this phrase out of my head: "How lovely it is that God has made you just so, and I have had all the years of my life to come to know you."

Over and over, it's all I could hear. I sat up in bed, opened Evernote in my phone, and started typing away at a poem that would eventually become a part of a wedding ceremony years into the future.  

At the time, I felt sure about Blake, but discussions of marriage were far, far ahead. The poem felt almost like a sweet secret between me and the Lord -- and I decided not to share it with Blake until I knew for sure that he was the one it was about (though I had a strong suspicion). I finally read it to him after two years of dating and five months of engagement -- on our wedding day, when we met to have one last quiet moment together before everything began. 

Later on as women bustled about me getting ready, curling my hair, and applying make up to my face I texted our pastors: "I know this is last minute, but can you have someone read this at the ceremony?" And sent them the poem. 

As one of them read it inside the quiet stone chapel in which we were wed, I gripped Blake's arm tight as tears fell down both of our faces. How faithful God had been to us -- how sweet this story he had written!

When I first heard those words in my head, I thought it was Blake -- and I wanted it to be him. The boy I had met when I was 12, the faithful friend I had known for over 15 years. It was true, then -- he is the boy that I had my whole, young life to come to know-- every detailed part. And it's true now -- I will spend the rest of my life learning the shape of him, the way his thoughts twist and form, savoring his sweet love and the faithfulness of a Creator who thought of it all. 

Happy engagement anniversary to us, my love. It has been the greatest joy of my life to know, and be known, by you. 

Here is "how lovely it is that god has made you just so," written in the middle of a hot, sweltering New York City night on August 19, 2013.

How lovely it is
That god has made you just so
And I have had all the years of my life
To come to know each detail
And thoughtfully crafted part

How lovely that he has entrusted me with you
Here on earth
However fleeting
To caretake and to love
you with the best parts of myself

To see you with eyes he has given
And encourage you with his own words spoken from my lips
To hold lightly in these hands
That which he molded from his own
To hold you
And feel how soft your skin
To see
How light plays across your shoulders
To feel
So intricately & intimately
His love
[& your love]
Given so freely
To me
Through you, most lovely craft & expression
Of the one who holds us both near
The author of the orbit
that kept us circling one another
As he readied us for years
To be able
To hold
One another
Like this.

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